Shock Absorber v.2

Crazy April

11:32 May 17^th, 2012 Comments | 2 notes

It’s been more than one month since the time I could easily qualify for admission to a mental facility - April 2012.

Yes, it was hella crazy that I didn’t even have the time to thank people, complain about the weather, cut my fingernails, and brush my teeth on some nights (Look, in my defense, I normally work right after dinner and fall asleep when my eyes tire, okay? Lol hahaha).

So let me share my April - the month jam packed with stress, emotions, deadlines, rushing, hard work, commitment, dedication, reflections, blessings, food, food, and more food.

This (very long) entry is for gratitude and reminiscing purposes ;)

April 1-10, 2012: Academics, Requirements, Joyce’s 21st Birthday

The first ten days of April were definitely the defining days of my coming month. I knew from these days that the rest of the month would be insanely sleep-lacking since April 1-10 were generally my “free days,” and yet they were already hectic.

Classes officially ended for us but we still had requirements to work on nightly and submit online. So many academic requirements needed to be attended to. Nothing was exhausting, but most can probably relate to the feeling. It’s like you can assure yourself that everything on the to-do list was pretty easy to do until you realize just how long the list is.

The redeeming factor would have to be Joyce’s birthday celebration on the 10th.

Taken by Kayla (L-R: John, Franz, Kenneth, Aly, me, Bekah, Joyce, Carla, Acee)

Taken by Bekah (Front: me, John. Back L-R: Acee, Carla, Franz, Kenneth, Aly, Kayla, Joyce)

She belted out all possible Lady Gaga songs. She had all the right for it was her birthday. Yes, she’s on the edge of glory, and no, you can’t read her, can’t read her, no, you can’t read her poker face.

Thank you, Joyce! Awesome treat! ♥

April 11-18, 2012: My 21st Birthday, YFC ILC Aklan, Boracay

Now the next set of days were, hands down, those that had the strongest attack on the heart. I purposely denied ownership of the heart for everyone I know seemed to have experienced the emotional wreckage and renewal the same time I did.

On the eleventh, I unexpectedly had a birthday celebration. But before I get to that, allow me to discuss the earlier hours of the day. Naks, formal-formalan.

Even before the week started, I was set to not have a birthday celebration. My close friends know just how excited I get about my birthday as early as January of every year, but a week before this year’s birthday, I knew I wasn’t gonna have time and energy.

On my planner, April 11 had big bold letters that read: CLEARANCE DAY. Yes, nilakad ko po ang college clearance ko on my birthday.

Before clearance, though, I had to claim my thesis from the shop where I had it hardbound weeks before. Only stuff I could vividly remember from this day was my turo-turo fishball x kikiam lunch which I had on my own, standing up, and with 4 hardbound theses and a Sablay in my bag hanging on my right shoulder in UP Diliman before rushing directly to UP Manila to submit. (Run-on sentence #03753349). I went to church before riding the jeepney. This was undoubtedly the most peaceful part of my birthday.

It wasn’t bad. But it was really funny when I look back and see myself having to rush around the college looking for certain people who can powerfully turn invisible when you need them most.

On the side, we had to make sure we were able to attend to our toga fitting, photo payments, and other graduation requirements. It was one hectic day and all I could ever hope for was a decent dinner and lots of rest. Tomorrow, I will be leaving for Aklan.

At home, just minutes into my powernap, some lunatic texts me and calls me up persistently. My phone vibrates unlike it has ever vibrated before, and my pillow was vibrating along with it.

The said lunatic was my longtime bestfriend, Joko, who was, at that moment, with my swag partner in life and in death, Marti. They want me to (1) get up, (2) dress well, and (3) leave home for that night to celebrate my birthday with them, elsewhere.

I didn’t know what I should have felt at the moment. I was on the verge of shouting at these two young gentlemen (who were, by the way, already waiting outside my house) but I was too tired to even calmly react. All I did was ask Joko to talk to my dad so I could leave. I told them to bring me back home early.

So I then (1) got up, (2) dressed lousily, and eventually (3) left home with them. I did not even have a choice. I was begging for a KFC dinner, but they insisted we eat at TOSH. I was confused about whose birthday it really was.

I shut my mouth and let Marti drive us to TOSH. I was as sleepy as hell, as inefficient as an insincere politician in a neck brace. But I didn’t want to stay negative, so I chose to excite myself with the pasta I was gonna be having. But my nerves were tingling. Everything was getting fishier and fishier.

To cut it short, my closest friends (from YFC, high school, and college) prepared a surprise celebration for me. At this point, first question in my head was: “Why did I wear such a lousy attire?”

No pictures ever existed to prove this affair. But in my head, everything was so clear. It’s always the blessing of friendship that gets me giddy all the time.

I thank EVERYBODY who gave their sweet messages. 2012 started really tough for me and your messages really served as reminders of what I had to love about myself. I thank even the most unexpected people whose messages tugged heartstrings.

Thank you, John, for collecting these messages and for conspiring with the boys for the surprise. Thank you, as well, for the dragonfly necklace and the tiger stuffed toy.

Thank you Joko and Marti for pretending to ask permission from my family when they already knew. What a show you guys put up at home!

Thanks to everyone who went to the birthday dinner. Special mention to Maika and her singing candle that just got to everybody’s nerves. Hahaha!

Needless to say, it was an amazing evening. I went home, didn’t care if I was leaving for Kalibo the next day. Went straight to bed with a smile on my face and a tiger beside me.

April 12 was the day I had to shake the glitter off and get back to focus. I left for Aklan with a tired body and a confused heart. The stress of a hot tempered dad also got to me. It was very difficult for me to leave Manila without a sweet kiss from my dad only because his moods took the best of him that day.

I left with Lex, Aulen, Tank, Gadz, and Emman - it was an unlikely group, to begin with. And it seemed that we were all very tired even before we headed to the airport.

Arriving at Aklan State University, the 19th YFC International Leaders’ Conference’s venue, did not even excite me the way conference sites normally do. I easily attributed this to my lack of rest. After putting down our bags, it was dinnertime. After dinner, we had a short meeting and headed straight to the technical booth. This was the first time I was part of the ILC service team. And for a first, it was terribly breaking me down that I was directing lights.

From outside the venue, the stage lights were already glaring. “Two things,” I said to myself. It was either that I would have an easy time since the lights were already gorgeous as they were, OR, I needed to step up my game completely, else I’d put the great lights to waste. So when I got closer, I knew this was it. I felt myself slowly losing my smile. I was Ms. Taray, yet again - something I could never control when the nerves kick in.

(Photo from Facebook. Kindly message me if this is your shot so I can properly give credit :) thank you!)

The conference officially started for the delegates the next day.

The docu team has not released the official ILC photographs since, so I have yet to see the actual outcome of what I had struggled to work on for two nights. The only certain outcome I know of is that the Lord will completely consume you through everything around you, and you wouldn’t even realize it right away.

Part of my “everything-around-me” was Kuya JR, the very eager and very collaborative lights controls guy. He spoke very little Tagalog so I ended up making a huge number of illustrations so we could come up with specific designs for every single segment - from dance numbers down to song stanzas and drum beats. I feared he kinda hated me for a while. I was probably more demanding than all the girlfriends in the world, combined, and I always sounded frustrated which I wasn’t. I mean, not entirely. Maybe a little? I don’t really know. I was clueless, so it was a mixture of nervousness, fear, and excitement that got to me.

But my fears were flushed down to impossibility when after the first night (which was emotionally draining for the entire prod team including me), I saw Kuya JR programming new patterns for the lights even without me instructing. It was that second that I caught myself teary-eyed. Somehow, someone who didn’t speak much Tagalog understood my vision. And I cried a little more when I felt the Lord telling me how useless it was to be doubtful and afraid.

Yes, the Lord will speak to you through the most unexpected moments. For us in lights, video playback, and in some other roles, the Lord probably spoke, not so much through worship, but through relationships made, lessons learned, and the smallest details such as untied shoelaces, the refreshment of a cup of mango shake, the pain of a missed lunch, and a person falling off the booth. *wink*

So many oppressive things were present for everybody during the entire conference. But before we even started allowing it to pull us down, we were reminded of the kind of God we had, and that if we surrender every single effort, every single thing, then we are rewarded a hundredfold in the form of an amazing, Almighty love.

Once again, my pride has embarrassed me. It is never about me. Never about my fears, my shortcomings, my lack of ideas. I was reminded that to worry will push you to do good and seek God, but to dwell so much will do you nothing.

Thank you to my North B Household. I may not always be physically around on occasions like this, but trust me, you have contributed so much to my drive to serve. I will forever love you, people!

Photo from Tito Jun David (Clockwise from top left: Yuri, Kath, Alain, Biboy, Tita Marissa, Tito Jun, Abi Faith, me, Chaz)

Thank you to the roomies! How we always keep each other sane after a tiring day makes me want to always sleep in the same room with you people!

Photo from Dyal (L-R: Joy, me, Maica, Dyal, Ate Achies, Kaye, Teenie)

After ILC, almost everyone headed to Boracay as expected. But it wasn’t an easy, chill-out vacation for us all. Too much drama happened. None personally for me, thank God. But seeing people around me having broken hearts and misty eyes really weighed me down.

Luckily, the sea had always been my sanctuary. The smell of the water, the wind on the beach, and the sound of the waves always make me fall madly in love.

Overall, the trip was okay - a 7 out of 10. It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t even something we’d like to happen over again. But beneath it all were beautiful friendships that could stand any test.

Thank you Kikx, Arvin, Mica, and Lex for an awesome friendship that I never in a gazillion years would wish to lose. Thank you for conversations, openness, comfort, and love.

Photo from Arvin (L-R: Arvin, Kikx, Mica, me)

Photo from Arvin (L-R: Lex, me, Mica, Kikx)

Thank you Aulen for the lessons we learned together, Tank and Emman for… I dunno, we didn’t even talk during the trip except when we sang during mealtime hahaha Gadz for the amaaazing laughter on the beach, and the comforting singing and laughing while waiting for the boat. Thank you Ezka and Ianne for the short but sweet bonding sessions. Thank you Law and Cha (the most adorable ate-kuya duo I met) for the company, and for letting us invade your room and shower.

Photo from Ezka (L-R: me, Gadz, Ianne, Ezka, Tank, Emman)

Photo from Dyal (me and Aulen)

April 18-20, 2012: College and University Graduation

Flying back to Manila should’ve been relaxing but it wasn’t for me. In a few hours from the time I stepped on the plane, I should be marching up the stage for the UPM CAS Recognition Program.

The flight wasn’t delayed. In fact, we arrived Manila 30 minutes before the expected arrival time. But my family arrived the airport (with my grad dress, shoes, and sablay) waaay after. Talk about insane panic!

I was so dark. Soooo burnt. But I made it 5 names before I was to be called up on stage. That was all that mattered to me that morning.

(L-R: John, Bekah, me, Kenneth)

Photo from Lyka T: Block 6 BA Behavioral Sciences 2012, yo!

A very crude, carelessly cropped scan of my family photo!

Looking back, it makes me laugh that within 12 hours, I have walked on white sand, swam in the ocean, slept in Law’s hotel room, sang on the port, traveled on-plane, and marched on-stage. How awesome am I? Tell me! Tell me!

Two days after was University Graduation. The bittersweet moments were coming. Like, seriously. I never imagined I’d cry over UP Naming Mahal. I wasn’t completely against the idea, but there was really something about how it happened.

Remember how more than a decade in the past, people ask us of what we want to be when we grow up? I certainly never answered with “I’d love to be a Beh Sci graduate!” But here I am, a graduate of an underrated, transdisciplinary wonder of a degree. I am proud. Beyond words, I really am proud of what the block has achieved, of what the block has gone through to achieve such things, and of the relationships we so lovingly (and even emotionally) built. All blocks have their own stories so there’s no use pushing that one course is better than another. But for the sake of this pride, let me just put it in clear words, even just in this entry: BEST COURSE EVER! BEST BLOCK EVER! Hahaha! ♥

Just last year, we were so busy loving the Aytas of Porac, encoding the census forms of Mindoro, and admiring the Beyer Collection in our hands. Amazing OJT family! Minus Raffy. Y u drrr? Hahaha. Photo from Anna (L-R: Anna, Roxie, Ate Jen, Raffy, Bekah, Kaye, me, John)

Photo from John: Me and my Thesis Adviser, Maam Diane Monsada (Definitely honored to work on my thesis with an adviser that was a balance of love, friendship, commitment, and authority. I love you, Maam Diane!)

Photo from John: More than just a pretty face.

Photo from Marilynn: Me with Ara, my first college friend! I love you!

Photo from John: Rappin’ in the line - Becca, me, Kaye

I love you Block 6 2012 :)

After the ceremonies, I had an awesome seafood lunch with my family. I got home and rested well. By this time, you’d probably agree on how long overdue my rest is, so I assume you’d understand how possible it was for me to sleep over 20 hours after that lunch. Praise God for sleep!

April was crazy. It was jam packed on the first half, and then suddenly, it was empty. Sometimes, I miss the stress. Sometimes, I still wake up panicking at the thought of being late in class and then realize school is over.

Everything has its perfect time. One day, some day, soon, stress will come knocking at my door again. This time, there will be no sembreaks, no weekends, no freecuts, no grades.

The stress of April was crazy. But more than that, I felt life shoving so many life lessons down my throat all within half a month. I feel honored, privileged, and tired at the same time. Never have I felt this unsure about the future. But the uncertainty can only make me more and more excited.

Sometimes, I keep myself busy missing the smell of Padre Faura. But while I’m at it, I’m just equally happy I can rest a little before I hit the so-called “real world.”

So thank you to the people who made my April worthwhile. Thank you Lord for making April refreshing, life-changing, and hella sexy.